"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize