Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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