3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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