That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize