Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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