You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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