Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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