Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize