White coat. Heels.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
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so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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