and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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