dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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