Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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