I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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