Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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