U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Randomize