Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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