It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize