went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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