Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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