I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
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He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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