if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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