I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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