So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
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you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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