Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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