Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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