We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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