if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You are a genius and a whore.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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