I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
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Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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