im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
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I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
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His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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