is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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