i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Panties = found
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