I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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