my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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