So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize