he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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