I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
sarcasm needs its own font
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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