I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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