I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
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Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will be naked everywhere
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Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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