Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
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Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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