remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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