your room smells of hookers.
And success
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize