Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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