So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize