sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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