but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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