I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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