We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
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you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize