Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize