Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
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Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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