I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
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also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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